City Living

August 14th, 2024

Not my picture. Saw this horse statue while walking around though.

Went into DC on the metro the other day and it got me thinking: would my social situation really be any different if I lived in some city or other? It’s something I’ve dreamed of for a long time, as have alot of queers and weird kids. But the modicum of introspection/brain activity I’ve gained as I’ve started prying into myself has got me realizing that simply being in closer proximity to alot of people wouldn’t do jack shit. I mean. Yes being around people really helps ease you out of social awkwardness, as it turns out. What’s next? Talking to people?? But that’s only one part of the equation: you still have to want to interact with people, and for that you have to have a will to live and an identity of your own. Until recently, I didn’t have the former, and I still don’t quite have the latter, but I’m working on it. You know that expression “I wasn’t born yesterday”? At times it feels like I was! What do you do as a young 20-something who’s been functionally dead for most of her life? Hell if I know. But I’m taking it one day at a time, working on my little projects and interacting with my internet friends and trying to build something out of nothing. Do any of those people bustling around in the city feel this way? They sure seem like they have a life, walking with a sense of purpose, talking on their phones, not looking like a deer in the headlights. I managed for much of the past few years to appear somewhat normal to the public, just another dude strutting around getting Shit Done. So I really don’t know. “NPC” isn’t a term I like to use to describe people, given that A) it’s rude and B) it’s commonly used by chuds on Twatter. Are there NPCs walking around in that city though? The way I used to operate could be described as such. At what point do you qualify as a person and not a robot?